Beyond Bad
by Leni
Summary: When things go beyond bad... nothing could go worse, could it?


Before the fic: Anyone please has CYNAMIN'S E-MAIL?  
  
//...when did you have time to develop this woman inside you? And must she cry just as she is being born?//  
  
TITLE: Beyond Bad  
  
AUTHOR: Leni  
  
DISCLAIMER: WHAT HAPPENED IN THE FINALES??? Please, I'm begging here, let me know. And if I'm dying to know about the finales then you can't possibly believe they are mine, can you? Even though the narrator is mine... Kind of.  
  
TIMELINE: No Idea. Really, just put this somewhere where there was C/A *cringes* tension...  
  
AN: I don't have the *slightest* idea where this came from. I've been working on a longer story (and I refuse to begin posting it until I have it all, every time I post something unfinished, it stays like that. *sulks*)  
  
DEDICATION: To Jaime and Hannahbee of course, for being so supportive. *smooches* Jaime dear, your birthday card was wonderful *hugs*, such a shame I couldn't copy it. :-(   
  
FEEDBACK: My muse is 'on vacation'. Read: 'In Strike'. Send some feedback to make her happy? dani_vasq@hotmail.com , a_d_v_v@yahoo.com.ar  
  
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Oh  
  
My  
  
God.  
  
Sometimes you just know it, like lightning... like lightning striking you and leaving you dead on the sidewalk.  
  
And aren't you being a little pessimistic?  
  
Because it is not that bad... okay, it is, but must you show it?  
  
Bad is being forced to live a life which should not be yours. Bad is living alone a life which should be shared. with him.   
  
With him.  
  
Please let me laugh at your naïvete.  
  
Did you really think you'd get a happily ever after? That your knight in shining armor would come back for you? Those are child's fantasies, Buffy dearest, and you are not a child since you knew how death smelled.  
  
But this is beyond bad, isn't it?  
  
and you really, really do not deserve it.   
  
Well, so what? When has life been fair to you, dear? Back when you were fated to die even though you had barely lived? Or maybe when you died, for real that time, just to come back... for this?  
  
Don't cry, hurt Slayer. Tears don't look pretty on your huntress' face. How to scare demons and baddies off when you have eyeliner on your cheeks?  
  
Don't cry, lonely Buffy. Tears never assuaged your grief, you and I both know it. Why spend more tears on something which could not have been?   
  
Don't cry, poor little girl... oh so grown up now... when did you grow up into a woman, Buffy? Between apocalypses and graves you became this big bad Slayer... when did you have the time to develop this woman inside you? And must she cry just as she is being born? Oh, my bad, I forgot, every human cries when they come into this world.  
  
So finally you've become a woman, dear Slayer, a woman who watches as her future slips by. Weren't you so sure of yourself, woman? Didn't you hold the reins of life in your strong hands? Destiny was just a stone in your shoe, or so you thought... you never understood that you were fated to walk in Destiny's path.  
  
Only that now you are part of it.  
  
Open your eyes, you woman-slayer, it's weird to see black tears falling from closed eyes.  
  
***  
  
You came here building a wish.  
  
But you forgot your wishing demon back home.  
  
I'm sorry, little Slayer, I really am. But in your life wishes won't become true.  
  
***  
  
You expected many things when you crossed his threshold. And all of them ended in a king size bed.. okay, okay, maybe just a kiss but still... Togetherness was on your menu.  
  
You expected fireworks and maybe a little drama, some angst and many questions just not to lose your habits. You would be angry because he hadn't told you, but you would be happy for he was human again. He would explain himself and then grab you and kiss you. It was all scripted, you had it all mapped out in your head... and then came Reality's editor and he tore your transcripts right in front of your face.  
  
Just as they are sucking face barely a meter in front of you.  
  
You really have gotten better at stalking, haven't you? Your heart beating so hard the walls could hear it... and they still don't feel you.  
  
Well, at least now you know why he didn't tell you.  
  
***  
  
A kiss once meant every hope in your life.  
  
And now another kiss is breaking every one of them.  
  
The job at an art gallery only twenty minutes away? You suddenly know you had enough of art with a workoholic mum at home to last you for life...  
  
The cosy apartment just in case he wanted to leave this antique? You suddenly remember you hate big windows and spacious showers...  
  
The picnics? ...In L.A.?! Oh please, there are more green areas in the Artic!  
  
The pets? You are allergic to anything with fur...  
  
The wedding? You look awful in white...  
  
The baby? You're not the mothering type...  
  
The life? The love? The fun?  
  
...  
  
Please. Don't. Cry.  
  
***  
  
You see him kissing her and...   
  
you see him kissing her and...  
  
THIS IS NOT FAIR!  
  
Didn't I tell you that life is not fair?  
  
***  
  
You think of running.  
  
Running so fast and so far that not even your shadow can keep up with you.  
  
But what would it achieve?  
  
Only that you won't see them anymore.  
  
Oh yes, maybe it's enough for you, isn't it?   
  
Never to see his arms around her body anymore. No matter the memory will attack your nights from now on.   
  
Never to see his lips kissing hers anymore. No matter how much you wish they were on yours.  
  
But, dear Slayer... your wishes will never come true,  
  
...and you run.  
  
***  
  
Wanna share a secret with me, reader?  
  
She shouldn't have run like that. She should have stayed, sobbed silently and leave as quietly as she got in. But she run.  
  
It was Destiny.  
  
In running she created her brand new path.  
  
In running she made enough noise to alert him.  
  
He broke the kiss and saw a shadow leaving the Hyperion. He recognised the figure even before he remembered her name.  
  
He knew she had seen them. kissing. But she had come too early, or maybe too late. It had not been love, it never could be love without her, it had been... just a kiss. Just a goodbye kiss which had gotten out of hand thanks to his own desperation and Cordy's loneliness...   
  
And now Buffy had gotten it all wrong... and he knew he had to go after her,  
  
...and Angel run.  
  
***  
  
No, I didn't lie.  
  
Wishes really can't become true for a Slayer. A Slayer is fated to fight and die. But Slayers who are both woman and huntress -both of them with none overpowering the other- are true Destiny's daughters.  
  
Slayers will always have unfulfilled wishes.  
  
But Destiny is the one to choose his daughters' paths.  
  
And I always take care of my children.  
  
The End.  
  
02/06/03  
  
Hope you liked it! And let me know if you did. *grins*  
  
K&S  
  
Leni 


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